Honest Trailers | Aladdin (2019)

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    Honest Trailers | Aladdin (2019)
    Title Design by Robert Holtby
    Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey
    Produced by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, & Max Dionne
    Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris
    Edited by Kevin Williamsen

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    from Guy Ritchie the director of Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels snatch and Midge got whipped in the Bitsy's okay I made that one up comes another magical Disney fantasy that dares to ask what if poor people had upward mobility Aladdin but with people this time you've heard all the complaints about live-action Disney remakes they're soulless recreations bland corporate storytelling and cynical risk-averse cash grabs well yeah we should all know the deal by now but as far as soulless cash craps go this one is clumsily entertaining enough to remind you how fun Aladdin is it's clumsy Latino charming sort of or these make you feel like you're watching Disneyland Zagreb a sing-along stunt show we go to the galaxy's edge next I want to assemble my own jizz food welcome to Agrabah a vaguely Middle Eastern soundstage maid of parkour courses parkour parkour will admire new additions to the famous story like a handmaid the cheney would like to friend Jasmine's new psychic time-freezing powers and typical Disney force diversity they says that ins convent yeah right but don't worry grownup fans there are too many changes to your precious cartoon in fact all the characters are still two-dimensional with the cast upon knows who aside from jasmine will definitely stay that way featuring an Aladdin who didn't even send his nipples off a Jafar who went from over-the-top snake wizard to CBD infuse snake oil salesman who and a Jasmine it doesn't need some man to do everything for because she already had a perfectly good woman for that I'll draw the path huh maybe she should be sold instead at least she probably knows that bread costs money take some bread Hey she's stealing oh I don't have any money board you will be until Will Smith's genie justice best to move it up a notch oh and don't let that teaser fool you he's slightly less horrifying in the finished product watch Disney trying to recapture that Robin Williams magic by casting another fast-talking 90 superstar as Big Willie throws jokes dancing and auto-tune at you to another baby until you use your final wish to dis make him go she let on a boat already I think it's time that I told you the story does that mean this whole movie is just some BS we'll made up to get discount Jaden and Willow to stop complaining respect so gather the family for a time-tested tale about lying your way into power that would have been more interesting if it were about Jasmine Jafar's rise to prominence whatever unholy union of man and beast that gave birth to Iago I'm fine or the French guy who either wrote or stole the story of Aladdin and snuck it into his translation of a thousand and one Arabian Nights but as far as a copy-pasted version of Aladdin with no Robin Williams ghost it's about as good as that could be and apparently that's worth something like a billion some things the end story robbing Williams I love lamp DJ Jazzy men I dream of Giggy and animals playing the drums Renaissance the Disney Vault they're just not sending arendelle's best all right paper a rugs life and parents just don't understand lamp trap and three smoking wishes you can just make the law disappear please like it never existed does that apply to laws of monopolies asking for a friend good night john-boy it's my money and I need it now you lied and I died short-term time machines for sale only for a limited time Michael and Helen May 30th 2020 say the date
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